The things I never told you
by UrbanLC
Summary: A brief moment of happiness could lead to unexpected feelings, but without words everything could fall apart -Naruto-Sasuke/ High school life / Modern
1. Chapter 1 : Discovery

**Disclaimer: I don´t own Naruto or the characters.**

Warning - BOY X BOY action.

*This story is based on a real life experience.

 **Chapter 1: Discovery**

—have you ever kissed a boy ? Naruto ?

The question was simple, actually it have been a while since I last thought about that .

-Umm yes…

My friends looked at me interested.

-and why didn't we knew? Is someone we already meet? - Ino's voice came suddenly.

-well it's been a long time since, nothing important though.

My mind returned to high school, yes. It has been a long time since.

I always knew I was not a love - lucky person. Not even a romantic itself. With 17 years old my heart have been broken a few times. Stupid little romances during junior high, those little love moments when I had thought there might be something else between me and my crushes. All those times i have been deluded. No, I definitely didn't have luck in love.

High school came rushing and in a blink the school year was beginning. Convinced that love was going to hit my door at the right time, when I finally escaped this private school.

There was nothing bad with the school itself, actually it was small, private.

The buildings were nice and the fact that it was a private school give a sense of exclusivity.

But… it was too much, I was part of this school since kindergarten. Now all the people that were with me in the classroom weren't any new faces. I could see Neiji, my best friend. sitting in the first row, right in front of me . Funny story how two personalities like Neiji and I could have become so close. But it happened. 12 years of friendship. I hated the bastard for having almost any girl he liked at his feet. But it was my best friend, I was happy for him.

There was nothing new now in the last year of highschool. The only thing that had my expectations high was Sakura. My crush since that summer. And even though I was well aware that my bad luck romances have left me with bad memories, knowing Sakura was one classroom away had my hopes going high again.

Of course , life couldn't be that bad, new surprises came after the second period. New faces, something not very common in a small school

—

-I saw them this morning- said Neiji in a whisper. Leaning backwards so I could hear him.

-really? Who are they?... I mean… have you spoken to them ?- I corrected.

-No, but I hear they all came from the same junior high-

-oh…

Three pair of eyes scanned the class room. The uniforms looked wrinkled. Very blue like if they were taken right out of a box.

Fortunately the school had very laid back uniform code. We could use any pair of jeans, we just need to have our white polo shirts with the school logo and of course the blue blazer.

-Ok everyone. This are our new classmates.- the teacher introduced each one of them.

The first one, Gaara. A short reed haired guy. Very lean and green sharp eyes.

The second. Sasuke. Black hair, just my height. A little less muscular than I am. And very white by the way.

And the third one Kiba. Who was just like me but in brown hair, he had expressive eyes and a crazy -like smile. Hyperactive for sure.

None of them seemed like the tipe of person I would dislike.

By the end of the day the tree new students had already isolate in a corner of the yard.

-let's go speak to them- Neji took my arm and start walking

-if they are alone is because of something , maybe they don't want to make any friends- I suggested.

-oh come on- Neji finished

-Hello - said Neiji sitting beside the red hair guy.

I smiled. I felt a little weird. Usually I am the easy going type of friend but today I had the feeling that any word I said would be embarrassing.

-hey!

I said, all of them remain in silence until Kiba took the lead of the conversation.

-sooooo…. what is exciting in here ? something fun we can play with ? -

-actually , I know just the way to get inside the chemistry lab. Want to see some weird stuff? - I smiled . Moving my eyebrows up and down.

Neiji and I knew very well that being in the chem lab at this time of the day was out of the rule.

We got only 20 minutes left of recess and then 1 hour of language before the day was officially over.

The labs were strictly closed after mid-day.

But leading the new ones to the dark side just seemed like a lot of fun.

We approached the ladder that lead to the door of the lab.

Neji stood froze.

-Are you sure about this? - he whispered in my ear

-yeah. You know we do this always… no worries man

-I don't know maybe I should stay, i have my report card pretty full

I gave him a very skeptical look, he shrugged and turn around.

-I'm heading back. Got some books I need to return

-I'll go with you. - Said Gaara turning around.

Kiba doubt for a second and left too.

-I thought you wanted some fun - I yelled to his back.

-this is not my definition of fun …- Kiba's voice was lost in the hallway.

-let them- Sasuke spoke to my back - they are very coward towards authority.

-and you ? - I ask . Turning around

-that depends… how fun is it ?

I just grinned and start running up the stairs. Sasuke right behind me.

—

The chemistry lab was dark and silent. It was in the last building of the school. So the noise of the central yard was almost a whisper.

The air felt moist and filled with a scent like a hospital. An abandoned hospital.

-why is this place special? - asked Sasuke - I don't see anything different from a normal chem lab-

My eyes , now adjusted to the dim light traveled all the way to the wall at the back.

-you see that ? - I held my arm up pointing at the shower at the bottom of the place.

-mhm…

-it is like a Russian roulette. You never know when water will come out. Sometimes it works , sometimes it doesn't

-why would a safety shower of a chem lab would do that. It is not safe.- he said approaching to the handle that was hanging from the roof

-well… this one is the old shower. It never worked properly so they had a new one at the other side of the room. But this one is still here.- I said with a cheerful smile.

-ok, so you come here and pull the handle, and wait to get soaked?

-yeah… pretty much- I shrugged

Sasuke smiled and hold the handle

—

-seeing you are dry I said luck was on your side- Neiji raised an eyebrow

-yep, it is an adrenaline rush though- I said crumbling in my chair

-I didn't feel that much emotion- Sasuke sighted. Leaning against my desk.

-well once the water gets you , you'll see.- Neiji smiled.

—-

Walking home with Sasuke became a routine, even though every Monday I went to Neiji's home for a math tutoring. The rest of the week we walked 4 blocks unil reach Sasuke's building. From there I took the bus 15 minutes till I reach my own house.

Sasuke was an interesting person, we had a lot of common interests, some theories about world conspiration, a very similar book collection and the same ideas for our mayor.

To my dislike we only have four blocks to talk before he head home. But after exchanging numbers texting became our fundamental line of communication. Even during clases I would sneak my phone between my legs and type any thought that came into my mind. He would chuckle discreetly. I saw him two rows apart from my place.

Some other times we took the lead of the old school communication system.

Paper pieces and a pen.

He wrote in a perfect circular handwriting blue ink. My handwriting was more like a doctor style, long and rushed. But I was glad Sasuke understood.

-Neiji … pass to Sasuke please- I whisper lending him a piece of paper folded.

He just rolled his eyes and give the paper to Gaara who was right beside him, then it was in Shikamaru's hands, and tossed unceremoniously to Sasuke's desk.

" _Lunch together? Need to talk to you in private_ "

A nod came from Sasuke .

—-

-what is so important?- Sasuke arrived to the table near the soccer fields.

-I … l need some advice- I started the weather was nice and the wind was warm.

-is about her again right ? - Sasuke said sighting

-yes! I want Sakura to look at me like something else. But all my tries had ended in her calling me friend.

-I don't know Naruto. Maybe she is not for you.

-well there has to be a way….

-wasn't you who told me you would never fall in love again ?

-I'm not in love with Sakura. I just want her to think of me and you know, maybe some interesting stuff happen between us. Just for fun.

-so , you want to bang her. - he finished

-noo…. not exactly. Well I mean. I don't know I just want to have some fun this year

-you are impossible- he laugh . A light hearted laugh that got me smiling.

He put his arm around my shoulder and rest his head against my head.

-maybe I should find me someone too

-you like someone? -'I asked. taking some distance from his touch. Looking him in the eyes.

-don't know… that red hair girl with glasses seems nice .

-Karin? Seriously? … nop. Believe me , she is crazy.

-well is not like I'm going to date her… I mean , just for fun.

-right. Don't come then asking for help when she is stalking you.

Sasuke chuckle and cross his arm around my shoulder again. I didn't protest. The feeling was nice.

—-

I never notice when Sasuke's presence became fundamental in my every day.

I carved his proximity, and get annoyed when he had the same friendly gestures with someone else.

It was the day of the language exam that this issue came to my mind.

I was searching my books into my locker. The day had been disastrous and I was ready to make some shitty effort trying to pass the exam and then head home.

Noise bother me. People too, the heat was tremendous inside the building and I felt the air almost impossible to catch.

Sasuke saw me.

-you ok ?

-uhh yeah, no. Well is not a good day

The bell rang and the people that crowded the hall quickly left.

I was there standing like an idiot. I have an exam but I was unable to move.

-it's going to be fine Naru. - he simile

I felt a tingling in the tip of my fingers. All my body screamed, y felt heat ran through my veins.

Without a second though I took one step closer and hug him.

It was a short but sweet hug, like the ones you gave when is someone's birthday .

Later that night my mind keep wondering why would I do that.

I mean, yes he was a very important person but in that moment I felt like the only thing I needed was his touch. His arms around me.

And there it was, idiot love sick Naruto, going down the same path as always.

Damn.

—

It was Friday, and Sasuke had invited me to spend the day at his home.

We would drink some beer and saw a movie or play video games.

His home was not new to me, I felt almost as comfortable as my own.

-come ...I want to show you something - Sasuke look at me with bright eyes.

-ok… where?

-in the top of the building… hurry

I ran across the elevator gate , scared to be left behind.

The moment the elevator opened I saw a big metallic door. The breeze sneaking from beneath the metal and the light shone in white and orange spaces.

With careful hands Sasuke opened the door and step out.

He walk around the space . There was nothing else than a few water tanks and tv receptors.

-you told me you liked the view from above

-yes - I said with a soft voice.

The view from above the 15th floor was exceptional, it was my favorite time of the day, 6 o'clock. Too early to say is night and too late for call it plain day.

The lights of the city were starting to show up and the night life was slowly rising.

Sasuke remain in silence, his handsome face calm as always. He was close to my body, i felt the heat near my right arm.

-Sasuke ! This place is awesome !

-Yes , i knew you would like it.

Without words I closed my eyes feeling the air between my hair. Sasuke scent and the warm of the late summer.

In a second the air left my lungs, it was replaced with Sasuke's fresh scent and the warm feeling of his lips.

We were kissing. A careful kiss , just tasting each other.

What was this sensation ?

Do I like this ?

Do I want this?

I opened my eyes. Still near his face, my lips were static, nothing moving. Just us . There

-I'm sorry - he spoke first with just a whisper, taking a step back.

-No. Don't apologize- my words left my lips with force. Not that I meant to use that tone.

-can we just head back and continue the game where we left it ? I think my brother left some beers in the fridge- he suggested. His back to me now.

-yeah…. ok- . I walk inside.

The whole elevator ride was an overwhelming twist of ideas. "Sasuke , me , my feelings this past weeks, our friends", even my family was involved in the 2 minute ride to Sasuke's floor.

-I don't want this to be awkward- he said while searching his key.

-it's not. I promise

—-

Night came. And even though the atmosphere was a little overcharged we were having a good time.

Sasuke's phone rang. While he was speaking I took my time to see all the detail drawings that colored the white wall of Sasuke's room.

It was a fantastic combination of surreal paintings and manga characters. Everything done by his own hand.

-my brother is on his way home… umm will you - he hesitated for a moment, looking to the side wall - will you still spend the night ? I mean , if you want. Or I could drive you home when my brother arrive … I have no pr..-

-I'll stay - I interrupted

-Ok.-he said trying to force a smile.

—

Sasuke had a bunk bed in his room. He used to share a room with his brother but when they move out he keep the bed. Now Itachi has his own bedroom and the bunk bed was useful for people staying the night . Like me.

I was in the upper bed. Sasuke down. When I return from the bathroom Sasuke was already inside his bed.

-can you turn off the lights? -he spoke with lazy voice

-sure - I closed the door and turn the lights off.

Instinctively I walk to Sasuke's bed and took the covers off snuggling myself next to his body.

-what are you doing Dobe?

-just a little - I said - it's freezing up there.

About half an hour later I was still there . With Sasuke's covers up to my chin, I couldn't sleep. My mind was still replaying all my thoughts of the day.

Sasuke turn around, facing me. He wasn't asleep. I saw his eyes move across my face.

I searched his lips, little by little in the dark of the room, I felt my body numb. Like in a dream. In a state of calm.

He responded to the kiss eagerly, with no hesitation. It was just as if he was waiting for this. Maybe I was too.

We kissed slowly . Then with fierce, and then slowly again, no words spoken just the feeling of our lips touching every second, my hands exploring his arms and neck. Reaching for the heat of his body.

His hands in my biceps, searching my chest and sliding to my abdomen.

The touch of Sasuke's lips against my neck took me by surprise.

\- it's fine- he whispered and I nodded slowly.

He came back to my lips, returning the heat and moving his hands to my back, seeking the flesh underneath my shirt.

I slide my hands under his shirt too, feeling his abdomen tense under my touch. And reaching the beginning of his boxers.

-we should stop- i suggest.

-why? - he sighed.

-we need to think things twice… may be …- my words died in my lips. Sasuke's fingers were playing with the elastic of my own boxers and his teeth were nibbling my earlobe, his breath, hot against my ear, hurried, reaching for some air.

Y rise my hands and took his face between them. Looking him directly in the eyes.

-we should sleep. Sasuke - I whisper touching his nose with my own gently

-fine- he answered -but you are staying here right ?

I smiled - I already told you that-


	2. Chapter 2: Realization

**Discalimer: I don't own Naruto or the Characters**

 **Warnings: Boy x Boy action**

 ***** This story is based on a real life experience

Chapter 2: Realization

When morning came the world was different. I felt Sasuke's heat leaving the bed. But I didn't protest.

When I heard noise in the kitchen I finally decided that it was time to get up.

Sasuke had a glass of juice in one hand. Sipping the liquid with peace. I took mine from the counter and drank the whole glass without a second thought.

-morning! - I said leaving the glass on the table.

-morning - he said. His steps coming closer, so close that I could feel his bare feet touching my fingers.

We kiss again. A little peck.

Just a reminder I thought. A reminder that all of this was really happening. It wasn't something random. Maybe he wanted to keep this going.

And I didn't oppose.

We don't spoke about it, we just keep going with the plans of the day.

We had this huge project we had to finish, that was the main reason I have spend the night at Sasuke's.

It took us the whole day to put the work together, in the end we both were laying on his couch, listening the last song of the CD that was playing in the background.

I saw his body move. He approached to me slowly stradling me, his legs surrounding my hips. Our chests connected and our breath mixing in the same space, our eyes still searching each other emotions.

I couldn't see anything strange on the black pools of his eyes. There was peace, confidence, but no fear, just the opposite of my feelings.

I didn't have the nerve to move closer, to kiss him again, but I didn't reject him.

Everything that involved Sasuke made my mind feel blank. All his advances, the kisses he gave me, when he hold my hand with no reason while we were discussing the protect. The way he whisper my name in my ear. I couldn't reject him because I wanted this too. But I didn't want to accept that truth. Not yet, he haven't even talk about it, what if this feeling is not mutual.

We kissed for a long time, in that same position, his lips hungry, his tongue moving against my lips and clashing with my tongue. The bulge in my pants was starting to grow hard. I could feel Sasuke's heat, he was as excited as I was.

The noise of the front door take us out of our trance and Sasuke flew from the couch to the flor in an instant.

Itachi's head rise from a corner of the wall

-Sasuke ? . I'm home - he announce.

-h...hey ! Itachi, yes , great!

-are you ok ? Why are you on the floor ?

-ummm we were finishing our project- I offer, watching Sasuke flushed face and troubling gaze.

-Naruto, I couldn't say Hi yesterday. It's nice to see you. Are you staying for diner?

-well…- I started

-actually he's staying the night again. Tomorrow he would make me company at the singing lessons . Right ? - both brothers looked at me

I nodded.

—

We were in that situation again. Sasuke's lips pressed against my neck, following the pulse. Reaching down my earlobe and returning to my lips. My hands roaming his back, his hands traveling further down my abs, slipping just a little bit down my boxers, and returning to my chest.

I was fully hard now, and his hands roaming over my clothed erection were too much to bare.

I could feel Sasuke's erection pressed against my leg, grinding up and down in a delicious compass.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

His cold fingers surrounding my length, pressing the top and applying sweet friction.

I suppressed a moan, my hands were shaking and the heat was absolute heaven.

I shut my eyes, feeling the impending orgasm approaching with ferocity. My hands clenched to his sides, unable to move.

One of Sasuke's hands travel up and guided my hand to his own dick, feeling the hot flesh pulsing in my hand, a slick wet liquid dripping from the top and covering my fingers. My rhythm was steady, twisting at the top and trying to apply a little pressure at the base, holding my breath every time I felt Sasuke's cursed kisses in my neck.

He came with a harsh and restrained moan. Holding my lip between his teeth. Pressing my dick between his fingers and breathing harshly.

My erection red and dripping , coated with Sasuke's essence was pulsing. All the blood drained from my head and directed to my lower part that was begging for release.

With a fast movement Sasuke ran his hand up and down making my head go numb and feeling waves of pleasure taking my body over the edge.

I moaned, my face in Sasuke's neck, his skin covering the sound.

We stayed there for about 20 minutes until he rolled out the bed, taking a towel from a drawer near the door.

Wiping his hands and tights he smile, looking me.

Walking across the room he knelt down, taking the covers from my body. I took the towel from Sasuke's hands, but he move it out of my reach.

-let me - he said in a whisper.

-you...you don't have too

-I want to do it.

My face flushed when Sasuke's hands started to remove the boxer from my body and wiped the mess that was between my legs.

-you will have to lend me some underwear- I said with an apologetic smile.

-it's ok , you just use my clothes this entire weekend. Underwear is not different

—

Sasuke has recently joined a singing class, which have practice every Sunday morning. I know Sasuke and singing didn't get along in the same sentence. But my opinion change when I came to see one of his practices.

After a few more weeks he almost convinced me to take a lesson.

This Sunday morning I would follow him to hell itself.

We walked in a slow rhythm, watching the leaves of the trees falling gently on the floor.

The lessons took place in an old building, next to a church. It was free for anyone who wanted to join and the atmosphere was light.

—-

We were sitting side by side, i never hide my love for singing, but never considered joining a chorus.

In the room , with Sasuke beside me I felt at ease, this was the third Sunday I came to the lesson, 3 weeks had already finished since that first day we kissed. Our hands were tightly clenched hidden from everyone's view thanks to the chairs in front of us.

We have kept this night overs at Sasuke's house for three weeks. It was convenient, because on Sunday we will go together to sing. So that make my saturdays nights at Sasuke's house almost a routine.

School was a weird mixture of feelings. Sasuke and I behave like always. We never talk about the kisses we share when no one else was watching, or when the lights in the auditorium went off and our friends were late for class.

Not even the kiss he stole me when I was eating a popsicle and he spun me and ripped the candy out of my mouth. Replacing it with his tongue. Just a moment later Shikamaru exited from one of the restrooms. He watched me resting against the sinks and Sasuke smiling with my popsicle in hand. "Fixing" his blazer with the other hand.

Neither we talked about that heated nights when i placed my hands over my mouth to prevent my moans to rise, feeling his tongue moving up and down my dick. Neither we talk about the blowjobs I gave him during our movie nights.

Or the hungry kisses in the elevator rides.

There was no conversations about us. We talk about everything else. But not about us.

—

-December festival is this weekend- Neji told me with excited voice.

-really? I can't wait to try the mechanical games!- I laugh.

-Maybe is the right time to make your move- he insisted. Looking at me with expectant eyes.

-move? What do you mean ?

-you know . Asking Sakura out . You could use the mistletoe as an excuse to kiss her -

-Right! I forgot about that , may be I will.

I had forgotten that my great plan involving Sakura and the December festival was still on the move in Neiji's head.

I never talk to anyone about Sasuke and me. It was not necessary because I didn't have any idea of what to think about our situation.

We were friends , yes. And he was special to me. But ,I also was being stubborn about Sakura, is not that I love her or anything , but these few months the girl had gave me some positive signals about something that could happen between us. And I was impatient to figure it out.

My "status" situation with Sasuke was a world apart from my school life. I felt different, even I feel that I spoke and acted different.

So when the December festival came, Sakura and my whole plan were spinning in my head all day.

—

-thanks Naruto- said Sakura with a smile on her face.

Y place the hot coffee in one of the tables and sat beside her.

We spent a great part of the festival together, my heart was speeding every time she took my hand to guide me to one of the mechanical attractions that the school headmaster had brought for the festival.

She hugged me when a cold winter breeze blew.

-I could get used to this- she said sipping the coffee.

Her reddened checks and pink hair glowing with grace under her white winter hat.

-really ? -i said with disbelief

She nodded.

-well I mean, I really like you and… maybe , we could go on a date . If you want to- I offered. I was sure that my cheeks were red. But I thanked the poor light that surrounded the place.

\- well Naruto ,I want to take things slowly. I will tell you when I'm ready. Is that ok?

\- yeah, sure- I smiled. At least I could see some hope.

I watch Sakura's figure go away to the cotton candy place with another girl by her side, her name was Tenten. And it was Neiji's girlfriend.

-hey! - a voice came behind me. Followed by a hand in my shoulder.

-Sasuke! What's up?

-where have you been ? I haven't see you all night.

-I was with Sakura - I said guiding my eyes to her laughing figure.

Sasuke smiled - what did she said ? -

-she will think about it. But i have a good feeling

There I was, in the edge of falling for her, but I felt confused for Sasuke. Was he happy? What about us? I mean. I never saw a future relationship with him . I didn't even knew if I was gay or may be bisexual ? And if I started dating Sakura, our friendship would end?.

I was fucked up.

-what about you? - my voice came out without a thought.

-I was with the crazy girl. Karin- he answered simply

Karin? Why! , she was crazy for sure. And Sasuke was too handsome for her, did they have a date or something? Did Sasuke asked her out? Damn it!

-o..oh - I manage to respond

-well I'll leave you with her- he said turning around when Sakura returned.

—

At one point of the night I was walking alone. Searching for Sakura that had disappeared. Looking between the crowd and inside the classrooms expecting to see her figure.

I heard her voice behind a curtain that was making a division between the candy stand and the coffee place.

-...I just wanted to be with you- her voice was clear and sweet

-i don't believe you , I saw you with the blonde guy. It seems you two have something going on- that was Lee! The extreme sport guy.

-Naruto… pfff NO, you know me. I just like to be flattered. I don't want anything with him. You know how I feel about you. I just like to have him on the hook- she giggled

That felt like a cold shower, I ran , as fast as I could. Searching for a place far away from everyone. I reach the second floor balcony. Tears menacing to roll down my eyes. I felt the cold air blowing.

It hurt, Sakura's rejection, the lie. I was angry with myself. As I always do, I made a whole scenario that in the end was not real.

My breath calmed down, the itching in my eyes disappeared and my sight start to roam around the festival. From the second floor I was able to see almost everything. My friends laughing, some teachers managing the coffee machine or talking to some students. Neiji walking hand by hand with Tenten. And then Sasuke, resting on the auditorium stairs, frowning a little to a bunch of first year students who were beside him, being too noisy.

"Look up" I texted

Sasuke read the message and shot his head up. Analyzing the second and third floor. He saw me and started walking towards the stairs.

—-

-hey… - he saw my face - something is wrong… what happened?

I hate how easily he was able to read me.

I told him the whole story of the night including the conversation between Sakura and Lee.

My eyes were red again and my voice was trembling. Sasuke's face was serious the entire time. After I finish talking he was silent for a long time.

-...I thought, she was not important to you- he was staring at me.

-what?

-you told me… that you were near her just for fun.

-well right now I'm not amused… this hurts- my voice keep trembling

I took a step, I needed a hug. And I wanted to feel at ease, near Sasuke's warm body.

-I need you- I whisper extending my arms

-No- he turn around - I am not anyone backup!-

-Sasuke… I never meant...

-forget it Naruto

He turn around and left, leaving me behind. This time the tears were rolling down my cheeks hopelessly.

 **A/N:** **English is not my native language so if there is some misspelled word or a mistake in the conjugation please let me know. ;)**

 **I'll appreciate any reviews or comments on the story so far.**


	3. Chapter 3: Resolution

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters.

Warnning: Slight BOY X BOY action

*This story is based on a real life experience.

 **Chapter 3:** **Resolution**

Winter Holidays began with a chilly day. The morning after the festival my eyes were red and dull. I lay in my bedroom, thoughtful. Sakura had hurt me , but seeing Sasuke go away after that argument was the only thing that I could think about. I was too coward to call him so I write him a message, I spend half of the day rewriting the same lines in my phone. Over and over again. Each time with a different explanation about what happened and that I hated when it was this feeling between us. But I couldn't, every line I wrote was not complete and I couldn't send a message this important without explaining to the fullest how sorry I was. I let the pain sink, trying to spend the last days of the year without thinking in all the troubles I will have when I saw Sasuke again, I never sent the text during that time.

On New Years eve I had enough, I wrote the only thing that I could send to him. The only words I have thought to tell him the same moment I met his eyes again.

"Sorry about everything"

A few minutes later my phone made a noise.

"Met me at the library the first day of school at 10:00"

That was it. I would have to wait till the beginning of the course to apologize. Even though I felt my heart less heavy. I still had thoughts of the pain I felt when Sasuke turn around. I certainly had hurt him, even though I never intend to make him feel like a replacement the hurt in his eyes was very clear, but the fact that he don't even let me explain was worst. But then again, what was there to explain? I was an idiot, that was for sure a truth, It was true that I was in pain for Sakura's harsh declarations, feeling the beginning of a relationship approaching in a second and then realized that you have been toyed is a very unappealing feeling. But was I searching Sasuke's consolation because of my broken heart?, maybe I was.

The only thing I knew was that Sasuke was a soothing presence in my life, I wanted to get rid of the pain I was feeling in that same moment. And when I was between Sasuke's arms my mind was blank, and the world felt like a different dimension. That was a fair reason, he was my morphine. And that was all the things I thought on writing on the message, but in the end a lame text was sent.

At least he replied.

—-

The library was silent, at 10 a.m there were not many people who would search for a book, since we were returning from vacations the school was pretty lonely, the oficial courses would start the next week, and this week was only featuring the complementary curses that we could chose like cultural activities or the specialized curses of diverse topics, I was going for the economical and social debates, while Sasuke was focusing on international social studies.

I walk through the first and second section but Sasuke was nowhere to be seen . When I came closer to the last section, the one that was closer to the window and let the sunlight shine over the books. Sasuke was resting in the last row of books, his eyes lost in the window.

-Hi- I spoke in a not so confident voice, my eyes glued to his face, trying to search the hurt I left there the last time we saw. He looked at me with those black eyes, the black pools were doubtful, shifting between my face and the window. Feeling the air leave my lungs I tried to speak, stuttering, trying to apologize, feeling the urge to explain everything in a rush, so he could forget this misunderstanding.

-Sasuke I, well… I'm sorry … you know i didn…i wanted to fix everything the moment you left, I never meant to hurt...

He shut me up with his own lips. Kissing me ferociously taking my hair between his fingers and pulling me closer to him. I kissed him back. During the break I never thought on Sasuke's kisses, not how much I missed his skin against mine, his hands running between my messy hair and how my lips tingle when his lips, those warm pale lips, stopped his ministrations to take some air, leaving an impossible short distance between our faces. But now, having his presence all around me, with his tongue savouring my mouth and his fresh scent, that particular personal escence bringing back all the memories I have associated with it, I knew it, I missed this so much.

-I am really really sorry Sasuke- I said catching my breath.

-I am sorry too Naru - he step back, leaning against the books again. - I think I overreacted, I was... jealous. I never thought I could feel this way after seeing you heart broken because of someone else.

-No, I'm sorry, Sakura is a bitch, but i never thought about you , or the things that you could have felt.

-Well, things went like that, I…- he hesitated- I just, I had a lot to think about, but I guess since things were like this I got carried away

This was it, i thought, this was the talk we needed. But I was not even ready, I haven't figured out what the fuck was going on in my head. Was Sasuke sure about us?, maybe we were going to talk about the reasons he had to kiss me that day at the roof, and then I would have to answer him about my bold decision to kiss him in his bed, and then again why would I respond to all his advances and why would I initiated some of the longest kissing sessions we had.

I had my forehead resting in his shoulder, trying to reach a middle point in my ramblings, he certainly wanted a straight answer.

-Sasuke, I know all of this is complicated, but I never want to lose you. Especially not because an argument like this. - It was impossible for me to reach a conclusion in such a short period of time, I was telling him the truth about what I felt in the exact moment.

-Hey, there is no need to get all worked up… we both screw things up, end of it, and I am not going anywhere alright? - He smiled, pushing my face up to look into my eyes.

I smiled back, then the bell rang and the principal's office, which was conveniently placed beside the library entrance, was about to get fully packed with the students who were searching for a place in the special courses of this semester, and that meant that the library will be filled by students trying to kill time until their turn to see the principal arrived.

We exited the library, searching for our friends who were leaping from the other side of the long hallway, all of them rushing to the principal's office. Scholl day went by, as normal as any other day and again, I felt as if there were some issues resting in the tip of my tongue, something I should have told Sasuke but I was unable or, maybe the time was not right, not yet. Life continue and our secret kisses remain, the careless touches and the small smiles increased, in the long nights in his bedroom the touch of his lips felt more desperate, I felt my hands rushing to feel his skin every opportunity I had, every time he sucked me was so intense I felt dizzy after every orgasm. I could see how his hands tremble each time I kissed his neck and the insides of his legs, how he was unable to look me in the eyes when I took his dick between my lips an ran my tongue across his abs and I felt my heart clenching every time he whisper in my ears. His moans filled with an unspoken emotion that now I was unable to describe.

—

Spring was ending and my bond with him was starting to bother other aspects of my life, I had less time alone on the free weekends or the obligatory days off because commemorative days. Sasuke and I would sneak to a lonely corner or search for a distraction to take advantage or disappear every time we hang out with the gang, Neji of course was very annoyed by that. He would glare to me every time I run after Sasuke when the recess begun. And would swear Sasuke and I disappear during the outings because I found the other ones _¨boring¨._

He spoke very poorly of him, and even avoid any topic that was related to his presence.

Sometimes this attitude of Neji was out of place and we argue a lot.

-what is wrong with you ?!- he spoke very softly, with venom in the voice.

-what do you mean? What did I do now?-

-well ignoring the fact that you have already forgot about our friendship, I don't want to team up with Sasuke. And you already wrote his name on the paper-

-I thought you like him - I raised my voice

-well I don't …. And also I don't understand why do you spend so much time with him. I mean, yeah he is cool but we are best friends and I feel like you are almost ignoring me. It has been months since we hang out together.-

I sighed he was right, but I couldn't explain to him all this feelings. Neji was my best friend but there were some topics we never touch. Love and feelings were one of them. We could talk about the girls we were attracted to or if we wanted to date someone but if we started to fell in love with someone or be heartbroken we never discuss those things. It wasn't in our nature. So Neji saying those things to me took me out of my bubble. He must be really annoyed.

-I'm sorry, you are right, is just that since you are dating TenTen I felt like the third wheel. It's weird- I finished looking him with sincere eyes.

-It is just weird without you, bro- he smiled weakly

-let's do something this weekend- a bright smile ran across my face.

—-

Hanging out with Neji felt like a old memory, even though I kind of missed Sasuke. Being with my best friend was something I didn't noticed I missed too.

-Soo, what's the deal with Sasuke?-

-well he is cool, I like his company- I lied , there was much more going on with him. But I didn't thought Neji would understand. He was simple minded with relationships, you were dating someone or you were not. The ambiguity that Sasuke and I had would be to weird for him.

And deep down I knew I would have to accept that I was gay or may be bisexual, and that debate was not clear in my mind. Better leave it like that.

-Right,- he looked at me with an amused smile

-is true! I swear! Why do you have that look in your face?-

-I don't know, sometimes I think that you are in love with him -

-What?! - my blood froze - what are you talking about?!-

-I have been seeing you, you have that love sick face when you are with him-

-You are crazy!- I pray to God that my face wasn't red- I mean, I love him but as a friend, as a bro!-

Neji just stood there with the ice cream melting in his hand. I knew he was not judging me, he was analyzing my words, even though I was not the lying type of person, Neji was an expert knowing when I was not saying the truth. All this time I have been rambling about this feelings, admitting to someone else what I felt l, actually saying it out loud was terrifying. Cause it would mean it was real.

-Is just the same love I felt for you! Like brothers- i stutter, trying to fix this mess. Was I really accepting that I love Sasuke? Damn it!

-Fine, but don't forget about me so constantly.- he continue to lick his ice cream. I was safe for now.

I really have been letting Neji aside these days, and because I knew how our friendship worked I knew he wasn't upset. But that didn't stop the rushing sensation of guilt to rise in my chest.

-Never- I smiled, finally feeling my face burn. I had a lot to think on my way back home.

This feelings for Sasuke were now coming with full force. Even though I always knew, after we kissed, that there was something going on, I never questioned my internal situation, all this time I kept pushing aside the topic. I just let it be, and now I was hurt, truly hurt, because I came to realize that I have this huge feelings towards Sasuke , and I have the uncertainty of not knowing what did he thought of me, does he loved me ? And even worse, after high school we would stay together?!

All the way home I kept this line of thought, I felt dizzy and my head was spinning. My stomach felt sick and I was so tired that after reaching home I slept the rest of the day, not even glancing at my cellphone, and the 4 messages of Sasuke that were waiting to be read.

—-

At 10 o'clock I was forcefully dragged out of my sleep. My phone was ringing like crazy, slowly the ringing noise became louder, while I became more conscious. My hand searched the device frenetically.

-Hello?- my voice was groggy.

-Naruto! Where were you? Where you sleeping?- Sasuke's voice answered slightly amused.

-hmm yeah, with Neji and then home. Why?-

-just making conversation, I messaged you. You didn't read the texts?- his voice was serious now

-No, sorry, I will read them right away-

-Don't bother, they are not important…-

-oh… all right. - the line became silent.

-Naruto?-

-yeah ?

-I just missed you- my heart clenched with those words. I closed my eyes and listened the breathing that came from the other side I of the line.

-Me too Sas. This was a long weekend, I'm sorry I skipped the singing lesson, I just….I am not feeling well- I almost tripped on my words, I was about to tell him I was feeling like an idiot for not knowing what does he felt towards me. But then again, my stomach felt sick and my head was killing me.

-are you sick ?

-no… I have this huge dilema and is giving me troubles… I feel dizzy - well it was almost the truth.

-Dilemma huh, what is about?- he was just being chatty, but I heard interest in his voice.

Well shit. How could I tell him that I was going insane for him? I didn't wanted to lie anymore, I was done lying to myself, and I clearly was bothered by the idea of telling Sasuke a bunch of lies about some stupid dilemma I would make up. In the other hand I was terrified about the whole confrontation with my feelings and our status.

-Humm, well you see, - my palms began to sweat and I felt this insane pressure in my head.

-I had this feelings that had been bothering me, Is something new I discover from myself and is hard to face it because it could involve some other people, and the fact that I am feeling this way confuses me- that was my brilliant response.

-Alright, you are fucked up in your head, not a breaking new discover for me- he chuckled a little - May be, if you feel this way now, you just have to let things happen, and...see where this new discovery is taking you-

-Well I might, what are you doing by the way?- I tried to change of topic as soon as possible.

-I was figuring out what character will I be cosplaying for the Comicon- At that moment I couldn't suppress a laugh.

-Are you serious? aren't you too old for cosplaying?- I questioned.

-Well is not like I will be too dressed up, but i heard that this year it will be a special manga drawing edition conference, all the illustrators I like will be there, you know I like all the drawing stuff, you have seen my room.- Yeah, he was right that walls of his had some incredible drawings, and then the remainder of that room brought an electric sensation across my spine, if those drawings could talk, the things they would say about me and Sasuke in that room wouldn't be pretty.

I shook my head, dismissing the thoughts of my head, this was not the time to start thinking about those nights.

-But, why the costume? Is it necessary?-

-Itachi told me that people cosplaying got free access- I could almost saw him smile between those words.

-Well Comicon is until next year, you could save money to pay the entrance and avoid all the costume thing-

-Yeah, I thought about it, but i could do something better with that money, so i'm going in a costume, I have a whole year to make my choice though.

-Good luck with that- I was starting to get sleepy, so i just rest there, listening Sasuke ramble about this new book he just bought for an insane price, humming and answering once in a while.

His nice and low voice nursing me to sleep, feelings the waves of insecurity fade away with every minute. In that semi-conscious state I made a life changing decision.

Fuck social rules

Fuck what everybody thought

Fuck insecurities.

I was going to tell Sasuke how I felt.

Now there was no doubt in my mind

I apreciate any thoughts on the story so far.

A/N: Sorry it is a little short, The memory still hurts a little while writing this story and sometimes I found very dificult how to write clearly all the feelings of those time.


	4. Chapter 4: Gone

_Disclaimer: I dont own Naruto or any of the characters_

 _*This story is based on a real life experience._

 **Chapter 4: Gone**

The last week of school was approaching so quickly I just noticed, we were busy arranging the last details for our graduation party so the final exams were the only distractions for the excitement that was running around all the party was planned to be held in a club near a very well known zone in the city. Famous for its many bars and night entertainment centers.

This club was property of the aunt of some student of our generation so it would be open exclusively for our use that night.

It was also perfect because the party would be very informal. A lot of us agreed that getting rid of the prom issues and pressures was the most attractive idea. I was one of the first ones to follow that idea, first because I really didn't want to feel the pressure of searching for a date, second because I didn't wanted to see Sasuke take any girl to a prom and third since we were almost ready to experience the college years, having a party in a night club was an exciting idea. Like an initiation to the grown up world.

Since the party was like that instead of renting a very expensive suit I went to shop a nice shirt, and some denim.

My sense of fashion was not that spectacular, so I went for a dark grey shirt, and very light blue, almost white denim. My trustable grey and black Vans and my outfit was complete.

The party venue was everything but conventional. The club was built in an old factory and it was divided in different rooms with different tematics. Since our generation was not that big, the party took place in one of the tree spaces of the club.

When I arrived, the neon lights and fluorescent details along the hallway took my attention.

The main entrance was filled with mirrors of different sizes and frames, all of them reflected the poor light, guiding my way to the party location. When I turn to the right i saw some of my all time classmates, all of them in very casual clothes. I mentally congratulated me for not wearing a tie or a more formal outfit.

The room was very large, with large sofas along the surrounding walls, there were very few tables and an upper level, like a mini stage, I supposed it was to host some shows during the wild nights, because along the curious shining stuff that hang over our head it was a pole in the middle of the mini stage , so I could almost assure this place had very very wild parties.

The club's staff offered free drinks at the bar, that was shining with a yellowish neon light, and behind the barman there was a set of blue, green and white lights that glow rhythmically with the music.

By the time I arrived the party was already on, since I had never been good with times, I usually arrived pretty late to any event in my life. My graduation party was no exception.

There were familiar faces dancing here and there, bodies crushing me while I tried to walk though, searching for Neji, Kiba, Sasuke or anyone of my closest group.

I spotted Neji grabbing two very full grasses from the bar, with a transparent glowing liquid.

I quickened my steps and follow Neji's path taking a glass for my own. Approaching to his body, careful to not spill my drink.

-Cheers!- I almost shouted to his back. Neji turned his head with a surprised look

-Naruto! Finally!- he said smashing his glass with mine. - Cheers!-

We both walked to the back of the club, my friends were sitting in the sofa that rest against the wall, in front of them there was a small metalic table with their drinks. I greet everyone, all of them had this joy in his eyes, all of us knew that this was the end of a very long journey. I met mostly everyone on that table since we were 6 or 7 years, it was a very mini nostalgic moment. when all of us realized about the transcendental moment, it was just a second but the feeling stood there.

We danced, drank, took as many photos as possible and danced again.

Almost an hour after my arrival I felt someone tapping my shoulder.

-Hey!- Sasuke stood there with his shining smile, watching me under the neon lights and the sporadic green lasers that ran around the club.

-Sasuke!- I hugged him without thinking. A quick hug, I was so glad to see him. - Where were you?

-Sorry I was exploring the whole club is enormous, and also I was helping Karin to find the ladies restroom. - he answered moving his body to the music beat.

-Really? how big this place is to not know where the restroom is?-

-Well I don't think you have noticed but this place has more men restrooms than ladies, does that say something to you?- he said, looking to the right where the men's room was.

-seriously?-realization came to my mind.- Shit! are we seriously celebrating our graduation in a gay club?-

-yeah, seems like no one told us that while organizing this.- he laugh. I laugh hard, what an irony. Fucking life.

Sasuke was impeccable, wearing a navy blue shirt and black denim with black converse. His spiky black hair in the usual style and just for this time I noticed he was wearing cologne. A deep woody scent with a fresh note. Accentuating his personal aroma. I was so glad we were together in this place, I got this feeling like our college parties would be like this, just us, and this night, I was loving the idea.

We found Gaara and Kiba up in the little stage, dancing furiously and giving a show to the rest of the classmates.

-Come on Sasuke! we can't miss that- I tugged his hand towards the stage.

-There is NO way I go up there- he slipped his hand off my gripp.

.Ow! come on!- I said searching for his hand, but I couldn't found it.

-I'll watch you from here, go dance- he smiled. I smirked and ran to the little stairs beside the stage.

The party got pretty wild, even though we were not drunk the atmosphere was overwhelming, the energy of all of us was so high we didn't need alcohol to feel at that euphoric state.

Neji made quite a show dancing in the pole, Kiba got up a table following Sakura and Choji who were already dancing like crazy over the few tables of the club. Some of the barmen got carried away and begun to dance as well while carrying a tequila bottle doing shots for anyone brave enough to last 10 seconds.

I saw Sasuke pushing people to the 10 second challenge and finally approaching to the little stage to dance, jumping and singing along with the songs.

When finally the party begun to lost energy I was exhausted, sitting in the sofa near our table, next to me it was Gaara, followed by Sasuke. To my left I had Neji and i felt at ease, having all my people here, in this moment.

We begun to argue about nonsense, talking about stories or funny moments that happened during the classes. I could see Sasuke's smile behind Gaara's red messy hair.

Then conversation took another course, we begun to talk about our summer plans and what were we doing during the break.

-Well I'll be going to my aunt's home.- Said Tenten in a cheerful tone.

-I could visit you- Neji answered

-Is your aunt's home far?- someone else asked

\- no, is just out of the city, but it has a great garden- Tenten answered

-I'll be traveling with my sister - Gaara snapped.- I don't think i will be around this few months-

-We should organize an outing- I offered - Before you go Gaara.-

-I love that idea- said Neji - Like bowling or a Karaoke!-

-Wow, Yes! That is a great idea- Said Sasuke smiling to me.

\- It is, i have time the first weeks of the next month, then I'll be gone- said Gaara calculating the time with his fingers.

-We really need to think this quickly then- add Tenten

-But I mean, everyone have time right?- Said Gaara.- No one is doing something interesting this summer.- all of us laugh

-I have time!- I assured

-Me too- Neji and Tenten confirmed along with the others who were dispersed in the table or the near couches.

-And you Sasuke?- said Gaara turning his head.

-I … well- he said thinking thoroughly.

-Oh come on!, you have to make time between your new girlfiend an us- he finished, my head snapped up, searching Sasuke's eyes. But he was looking Gaara with wide eyes. Sasuke hit Gaara's arm with his elbow and placed his index finger pressing his lips.

WHAAAT!?

What?!

.

.

.

Why Sasuke …

Didn't told…

me.

.

.

.

The air leave my lungs, I was unable to breath and my head felt dizzy, I didn't have to ask for a confirmation about what I heard, Since Sasuke didn't tell me anything, and clearly didn't want me to know, that was enough. I could barely listen everyone's voices rushing to ask him about her name and where does they meet. But I pay no attention.

I felt everything slow motion, my heart pumping in my ears and my hands were numb, froze.

The music was a slow whisper lost in the distance. My body felt so heavy when I stood up and walked far away from that spot. My eyes, blinded, were searching for nothing, and my steps were unsecure, trying to walk in an automatic state through the mass of people still dancing.

I reach the entrance hall when my eyes started to itch. My breath was so hard I had to pull air with my mouth.

I was almost turning in the corner when I saw Kiba, kissing ungracefully with some random girl I was never fond. They separate and hold hands, walking straight to me.

-Hey Naruto!- said Kiba smiling. i just nod and tried to smile.

-I just declared to her, and she liked me too- he said grinning while he continue his way.

Fucking love, why was everyone in love, I was in love, but … my heart was torn apart.

I stood there looking the bunch of mirrors hanging in the walls, looking my reflection with displeasure. Then I saw a figure approaching to my back. It was him, the traitor, Sasuke.

He took my shoulder and look me straight to my face. Searching my eyes, but I denied his pleadings.

-Naruto…- he started

-Stop it!, i don't want to hear it- I said in a low voice.

-What? Things are like this… I just-

-You know, what hurt the most is that you intended to keep it as a secret...- I looked at him, searching the warmth that I learned to love in those black eyes. But it was gone, I was unable to found it or maybe I didn't wanted to see it any more.

He didn't answered and I left.

Sakura's rejection was a painful truth I faced. But Sasuke's betrayal was hell, a powerful, and profound pain that ate my chest, long and excruciating. Almost paralyzing.

I thought so many things about him, about our kisses, the way he approached that fist time in the roof. How his hands clenched to my back the long times when we hugged. I had this clear feeling that he would be with me.

I never imagined that above everything he would just search for another reality without me. Sasuke's world, his persona, the knowledge I had about him, his presence in MY life, was gone. Chopped from the root.

I was unable to return to him for an explanation, I was so hurt It was impossible for me to look him in the eye and ask for an answer. Why didn't he told me? What did he felt for me? Was I important to him? Why, Why did he started this? Why did he kissed me that far away day at his roof?

I knew very well I was nothing to him to go and demand this answers about him. But then again, Sasuke's actions were so revealing I never found a middle point. And of course I never told him how I felt. How incredible was my world with him or how confused about us, a feeling that may be was not mutual. And now it was gone, broken.

I never called him again, not even a text. And he didn't texted, and didn't call me. Our friendship just ended, and he disappeared from my life so abruptly that the emptiness in my chest stung every night when I told myself how stupid I was, for not telling him about my feelings or asking him what we were.

With time, the pain became anger, and I begun to feel this uncontrollable rage against the thought of him.

I isolated from my high school friends, resting occasional contact with Neji and some others, but the first few months of college were very lonely. By the end of that terrible summer, the results of the college selection exam where out, and miraculously I ended in the school I wanted to, Neji did not chose the same option like me, so we were separated. The same with all of my friends. So I started fresh new, in a place where no one knew me, and definitely where I could distract my thoughts from Sasuke.

I began to make promises to myself, about changing my person, being better than him and show him how good I was without him, how I won this supposed breakup I had reaffirmed in my head.

I rejected every outing they organized, and for a year I dedicated to my life, with new friends and new goals. Some brief nights with some girls and a lot of very good parties.

College was new and exciting world, something I was impatient to explore, and so distracted from this amazing place that my mind just drift from realities.

There I knew Ino, one of my best friends, and Deidara, my trustable friends during this first year of college. We were all from different institutes so we had very different appreciations of life and life stories.

We were still learning about each other, so I was here. In the middle of a house party, playing truth or dare with a beer in hand, spacing out, remembering a past story, an old pain, that was locked behind a lot of hate and tears.

-Naruto? Hello?- Ino waved his hand in front of my eyes.

-AH! sorry, sorry.- I return to reality.

\- Are you okay?- she inquire

-Yeah, sorry, Is just that it has been a while since I thought about him... IT ,about ... that situation- I correct my self, taking a long shot to my beer.

-What was that? I mean, was he so important? - Her voice is starting to annoy me. But before I could answered I am interrupted. A dark figure approaching from the back of the filled room.

-ah! What did I lost? who's turn is? - Neji reach the small circle and sit cross legged.

-Naruto was telling his experience kissing a boy- Deidara reply in a cool voice.

-WHAT! when?, who? I'm your best friend how come i didn't knew!?- Neji's clear eyes seem amused.

-Well, is just a boy from summer- I definitely never tell Neji the truth.

-I can't believe it! good! Just wait for the others to know this, you are a box full of secrets my friend!- he punch my arm.

-You are not going to tell them right?- I ask slightly worried.

-Hmm Maybe they would found out.- Neji response was so low I could only stare, trying to catch his words. But my line of thought is interrupted with the laughs of the people surrounding me. They have spin the bottle and now is turn from another person to answer the truth or dare.

I incorporate, aiming for the fridge to get myself another beer, and maybe splashing my face with some water in the sink. That was a very wild flash back, filled with emotions I was grateful to keep them forgotten somewhere. The worst part of this is the fact that Neji now knows this part of me, because I am sure he will start to bother me until I tell him the story and of course the name of the guy. And that was an information I was not comfortable sharing. I was now doubting my decision of inviting Neji to this party, even though we are in different schools we still keep in touch and he already knew my college friends. And this is one of the biggest parties of the year, so why not!, I told him to invite some other friends since the party is open to anyone who wanted to come, but since he came alone, it was fine for me.

The water is dripping from my face, it is cold and feels so good against my skin, all this thoughts and memories have me a little troubled, so refreshing the skin is a very good feeling. I wipe my face with my own shirt, and turn right opening the fridge. The lines of beers are waiting in the cold, the ambar liquid moving slightly while I hold the bottle and close the fridge. A cold feeling in my neck is perceptible, but I let the sensations go away.

I scan the counter between the bodies of people obstructing my sight, searching for the opener, to free my beer from the bottle cap.

When I am able to open the bottle I try to rush to my friends, I don't want to miss the truths or dares of any more people. But there place is packed and is difficult to move. I bumped in to a body and crash with a wall, then the door from the other room is open.

-Naruto!- the low voice came, out of breath, reaching my ears.

-Sasuke?- I look into his eyes, black pools staring incredulously. I prepare myself for the rush of hate and resentment that I know will come to me.

I am not ready for this.

 _ **A/N:**_

 **I would love to hear your thoughts about this situation, Did naruto overreacted? was Sasuke mean?**

 _ **I hope no one of you have to experience something as terrible as a broken heart, and If you have I really hope you have deal with it like a champion.**_


	5. Chapter 5: Impass

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters.**

W: boy x boy

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Impass**

The action of hating a person is a very exhaustive and complicated fact. Is a face that shouldn't appear all the time in your head, but for space of time there it is. The fire you feel in the lungs and the constriction in the throat are also a common sign of it. Lots of places and people are associated to that human being. Some scents and phrases you ought to leave out of your life, eradicate any memory that reminds the inicial shot, the purpose of the wound so you can finally extinguish that fire that burn your stomach.

When I saw Sasuke in front of me, with his hair shorter and that pale skin blushed from the beer I felt all those hating signals in my body. But in one instant I knew it was not hate it was panic, and shame.

For almost a year and a half I live my college life aware of my feelings about my broken heart, I knew no more about that fact. Time ran away and the painful memories were fading away, replaced by new experiences and new faces.

This time , facing a face a learn to hate, my body reacts with no second thought. I intensified the grip in my beer and turn around, no words necessary, and no turning back.

I walk near Neji, who was doing a dare, finishing up a complete beer.

-I'll be outside- I whisper into his ear.

He just look at me and wink, I restart my way to the door that leads to the front entrance. What a way to ruin someone's party mood. Fist Ino's question and then Sasuke here. Why is he here ?!

Since I don't feel like playing anymore In just chill in the front yard, the party music is roaring through the windows and there is a lot of people smoking and making out in the outside of the house, there are also some other people resting like me sitting in the grass or in the floor, since the house is packed the party is moved outside for some group of friends.

I do a quick exam of my state, not drunk, yet. Messy hair as I like it, my denim is very wrinkled but in a nice way. Black t-shirt, still clean from beer splash and other shit that maybe common in a party.

I feel a little weird, pushing aside the fact that Sasuke is in that house, I though that if I see him again I will punch his stupid face, but no, that didn't happened.

Then again I didn't felt that consuming rage and hate, Even though I search inside of me, reminding myself that Sasuke, with all the implications his name brought, Sasuke is here I have different emotions, the rage fade, the hate too, the sadness was persistent. And Melancholy is a new feeling.

I have this realization moment when I can see all that story that rest between us in a new perspective. I recriminate myself some of my words and some of my actions. Since the hate disappear I really considered being friends with him again, we were good friends after all.

After a couple of minutes in a blank space mind thought, I react.

Yeah I could befriend Sasuke again, but I want no trace of what happened between us and not even the pain that rest between us to be visible. He has no right to know how hard was for me. I want him to see the actual me, the one who is better without... him.

I walk away from the party, this is not the night to reunite with old friendships.

I feel very uncomfortable knowing that Sasuke is wandering the house, before I step in I glance the people that are drinking in the corner of the kitchen door, there was no sign of him, where I left him. I walk the four or five steps that are between the door and the living room, searching Neji's face frantically.

But he is gone.

-'you searching your friend? - Deidara approached to me with drunken eyes.

-yeah, I'm going, can you tell him ?- he nodded an say no word, he saw the seriousness in my eyes.

The walk home is a very relaxing time, I feel so free without the hate, and this new sensation of an open horizon of opportunities. I am sure about something, I am going to be near Sasuke again, and I will show him how good I have been this time he was not by my side.

Once I told him that I was a better person beside him, I don't know if he remembers, but now I doubt about that.

About a month later, I found a new Facebook notification. It was Shikamaru's birthday, he was organizing a diner at his home and some 'alcoholic activities later' as he wrote at the end of the event with a winking face.

In the related list there were all my friends, some of them I never realized I miss so much, I was so excited to see everybody that I don't even care that Sasuke was in the "I'm going" list.

I couldn't wait to tell them all the things I have done in college, an I wanted to know what have they done, did they really pursue their dreams? Did they change their goals?. What college did they chose, is someone part of the athletic team? o maybe part of the soccer team?

I'm afraid too, what if under their perception I was a different person during high school, and now I changed, maybe in a bad way. Or maybe they might think I gave up some of my strongest ambitions. Or they think i'm in the wrong field of interest, that I was meant to do something else. A high school reunión always bring this kind of feeling, I guess we all want to look like we have been successful until now, what we are searching in the life of others was also success? What if they have something I want and I don't have yet?, would I be jealous of their achievements?,Would I be a strong drinker to their perception? or can someone still can manage the 10 seconds bottle challenge?

I couldn't wait to know. I was growing impatient. Surprisingly in a very good way.

When I reach Shikamaru's big front gate, the black metalic door squeaked in a funny way, and a black, messy mass of hair with those analytic eyes below appeared.

Great!, I'm not the first to arrive to the dinner-party, so the conversation has already started and I just greet the few people who sit graciously in the black leather couch that surrounds Shika's living room. I observe my friends, Gaara is as pale as always, his eyes roaming around the table with food and chips, while his hands rest in his knees. Next to him is kiba with that cheeky smile, a beer in hand, laughing while Neji tells a funny story of how he realized he was in the wrong bathroom after a very bad night of partying, I was there, it was very funny.

Ten ten is sitting across me, his cheeks are a little bit pink and she is wearing a leather jacket, her hair is shorter than I remember and she have a very strong soda and tequila drink. It has been almost a year since Neji broke up with her, since there I never follow much of her life, but I knew she was now a music student, a Sax player, in a Jazz academy.

Some other people are slowly crowding the huge expanse of the house living room, next to it is the dinner table, and the kitchen is separated by a breakfast bar. I can see everybody from my position in the couch, by the time I finish my third beer another ding announce the arrival of some more guests, here there is many people I don't know, some of them are Shikamaru's College friends. They are all psychology students, since that is Shika's major.

Inside the big group that cross the door are some more unknown people, the smiling face of Sakura, Sasuke with his blank serious expression, This big guy name Chouji, who was Shikamaru's best mate, and Lee, that was not my favorite person in the world but I forgot about the past incidents, after all, there have been so many other things in high school. After Sakura and Lee dated for a while I knew that they separate from unknown reasons, but then someone told someone else that they saw Lee and Sakura fighting and then they were friends again. So now they came together to the reunion as a friendship that never went through a romantic relationship, but there was no way they could cheat us the tension was present.

I'm actually impressed by my friend's histories, how we all change and the goals we pursue, I learned that Gaara became a gastronomy student and was actually working at Crepes and Waffles, Kiba is a Graphic Designer at the National Arts academy, Neji was studying to become a Nutritionist, Sasuke was studying international relationships and Sakura was heading for a major in Journalism. I was proud to say I was in my way to become an advertiser, like those crazy genius in the Mad Men series. My world was so fun and fantastic, and for a moment I didn't feel like a loser. I was amazed by how good my life decisions sound when I tell them to the people in the party. I have this bad habit of doubting my own choices, but speaking out loud of them, as if I was talking of someone else life was a very pleasant warm feeling.

-I love the advertising students works at the University- Sasuke said to me, handing me a beer.

-Have you seen them? - I say facing him, and resting my back in the breakfast bar.

-Yeah, I see them every saturday I go to class, they are all around the campus -

Did I mention that life was a bitch?, Yes, Sasuke was a student at the same university as mine, I never knew about this fact, because he was part of the open system, so of course he only had classes in Saturday, while I attend to the regular monday to friday program.

We both realize about this during the pizza time when we were bragging about our campuses. Our University was one of the biggest of the country, so there was no way we could miss that information.

Anyway, that explained his presence in the party a month ago, the pieces of the puzzle were now adjusting. And all this time I thought Neji invited him to the party. But well, in the semi-sober state I am now, I found all this coincidences as a mere accident of life, I am not in the mood of overthinking all this, and the idea of thinking about my feelings about Sasuke and I speaking like old friends, without a care in the world, don't ever cross my mind.

Soon we reach the time of the party were the drinking games came to the playground, Without a doubt my friends were not very good drinkers, I don't have a problem handling beer in a very long quantity, but some of them were starting to refuse the dares, or were exchanging the tequila shots for water or soda.

After some shameful rounds, we change the game for 'never have I ever', and some dirty secrets and life anecdotes came to light.

This beautiful game where the more typical game questions are around sexual experiences and very shaming drunk histories.

We have a log variety of different stories, kiba's fist police arrest, something minor, but definitely a great story. How Gaara and Sasuke crossdressed as girls to avoid paying the entrance to a bar who was a free girls night. I told the story of how I have a ride to a party in the backseat of a police car, I see a lot of astounded looks and some giggling, that was an insane story. Neji confessed how he was the only boy of his class who has drank till pass out in a strangers bathroom and woke up with a random girl beside inside the hot tub. And yes, Tenten look was deadly, but the moment was gone in a few seconds.

We all drank when the obvious proposals were shouted out. Gaara and Sakura drank when the minor shoplifting case was exposed, and kiba was the only one who took his glass when the case of "I have never ever found a friend in a sexshop" appeared. When the topic of kissing another guy appeared y took my beer, I have no problem admitting that, I was not uncomfortable any more, but Sasuke's gaze collide with my eyes, he didn't raised his glass, denying it. I look him fiercely, almost challenging him, I was done being a coward, and done with Sasuke evasive attitude, It could be the alcohol talking, but I was not tolerating this. I was not mad, but almost disappointed, that he couldn't count that experience in his life, something he could identified as a part of his life.

Finally, after some excruciating seconds, he took his glass and drank, closing his eyes in the proces. Thankfully, no one noticed the starring "battle".

After midnight the party is divided in interest groups, the ones dancing, the talkers, the' to drunk to walk', some loners sleeping and other sub groups. I am outside smoking and cleaning my mind from all the thoughts of that night. Sasuke is beside me, with his body so close to mine, our shoulders touching, and his unmistakable fresh scent dancing around my presence with the soft blowing breeze.

-I didn't knew you smoke- he offer.

-Well, yes… just in social events- I smile with innocence, the cigarette is almost over, so I extinguish the smoke column and throw the remains inside the empty beer bottle. - Is nice to see you again- I return my eyes to his face.

-It is, seriously- he smiled back.- umm, do you want to hang out someday?, it's been a while since we do something together, and I don't know, I kinda miss you-

The sting in my chest resonated in all my body, those words take the nostalgia back into place, and once again, we are not two friends who just see each other again, we are not two friends that just end communication for a time.

-Yeah, sure… of course- I stutter slightly, not even noticeable. I certainly didn't miss him in the way I used to miss his presence, I want him to met me again, this actual me, not the resented Naruto, not the hateful Naruto. Just me, the Naruto that have lived, and grow from pain and sadness and happiness.

After that night, Sasuke messages begin to arrive, we mostly chat about topics that rest incomplete in that night. School, movies, new books, somo travel experiences, even girls, dates and crushes.

It was not with the same frequency, and not with the same interest he gave to me in the past, he gave simple replies, sometimes cutting the flow of conversation or answering one or two days later. He was back in my life, but he was not the same, this was another Sasuke, a guy I have never met, just as me, a guy he never met before, we were so different now, still friends, but in a different level, not a profound and inseparable bond. It is just a bond, the path that indicates that we met in the past, but not a signal that we could care for the other one.

Sasuke sent me a news article about an outdoor projection of a movie of Hayao Miyazaki, it was downtown and was a spectacular and never ever projected in theaters movie.

We met at the train station at six o'clock in the afternoon, I arrived first, and a few moments later he descended from the wagon, with his leather jacket and blue denim.

We walk towards the place and I think that may be, all this feelings I survived, the long years and the time we part away was a necessity, an essential requirement for our friendship to continue.

Since the movie was in the outdoors, in a big space, projected in a big white screen against an old building, iconic of the city downtown. We sit beside each other, our legs bent and our backs exposed to the chilly wind. It has been one hour since the movie started and I see Sasuke, shifting uncomfortable from one position to another.

-You wanna rest your back in my legs?- I whisper to his ear.

-Can I? - He look at me with doubt.

-Yeah sure- I change my position so that Sasuke's back is resting against my shins, my hands are resting to the back, making me look like letter "M".

But it was obvious that my body is not going to resist that shape for a long time, so y try to move my arms slowly, trying to regain the blood that has stopped reaching my numbed fingers. But he notice.

-I can move if it is uncomfortable- he whisper. But before I can answer he crawls behind me and surround me with his legs pulling my back to his torso, almost hugging me.

I bet my face is red, but I am not able to do anything else than rest against Sasuke's warm and well built body.

I can feel his muscles flexing against my back and the beat of his heart, the warm of his arms and the delicious fresh smell he have. We remain like this the rest of the movie, it is a very cozy feeling, a well known sensation in the pit of my stomach, bubbling to the surface.

When the credits appear he tensed his shoulders and flexed his arms, the weight of my body moving along his body.

I rise, feeling my cheeks burn, and he stand up to. We talk about the movie, some comments here and there, then a force pull Sasuke back and he disappear from my sight.

A young man with white hair and a little taller than me was taking Sasuke from the arm. Kind of a creepy smile, and a very strange look.

-Suigetsu!, I didn't knew you were coming- Sasuke laugh, a bright laugh, and my stomach felt sick, Who was this guy?!

\- Yeah Yeah, of course I'm not losing a Miyazaki's movie- The guy named Suigetsu hugged Sasuke.

-You came alone?- Sasuke asked while we keep walking to the train station.

-Yeah, I couldn't reach you by phone man…-

-I'm sorry man, I was busy- he look behind his shoulder, his eyes straight to my figure - Oh, yeah, Suigetsu, this is my friend Naruto- he said smiling.

I approach and greet him, not as happy as he was, but still in a friendly way. We keep walking and talking. He was a nice person, very exotic but a funny person, and seems that they both were very good friends. And that of course bothers me, In a rate of the two hours that the movie last, I had a revelation, like a kick in the face, imposible to avoid. I still like Sasuke, and the appearance of this new close friend of him was not taking me to the good side. I was pissed, as I unite the pieces in my head. I change a lot since high school, and I learn not to push aside what I feel, I accept my emotions, like my remaining feelings for Sasuke. But with his presence, I was unable to expose those feelings, not even make a move.

Our outings keep going during the weeks, we didn't see as much as I would like but it was still nice to see Sasuke appear again in my life. But it was a huge bump in my own beautiful scenario. Suigetsu was such a consuming friend, always with Sasuke, you can see his photos always together. In my Facebook timeline I saw shared posts and long comment sections of conversations, messages to chezy to bear, and constant reminders of his unbreakable friendship.

I have never been a stalker, and I would never succumb to that low world, the saddest thing is that this reminders keep appearing in my life without me seeking them. It was a slow, excruciating torture that keep me in the verge of my feelings for Sasuke, I doubt between liking him or not, and soon I remind my high school year, this horrendous debate between my feelings.

And I realize I don't deserve this, I don't want so many confusing thoughts for a person that don't have not even a thought about me. This was a different situation from the previous, but the clarity in my feelings was not a doubt. But then again, the fuking ambuguity, Killing me slowly. It was not fair and this time I was going to do something about it. I need to know the answers to all my questions, the reasons why Sasuke infiltrated my head, the kiss, the hugs, the feelings, the confusion, the betray, the lies. All…

Lately, founding a time to see us is a difficult and very complex dynamic, we are both busy and the day we settle to see us, there is always an unexpected meeting or a compromise that keep us from seeing each other. We postpone the days, and so on.

Until finally I received a call from him.

-Hey Naruto! you free?- his carefree voice resounded from the other side of the phone.

-Sasuke, yes, I was just finishing some stuff at the library, why you ask?- I speak in a low tone.

\- Well seems like we are in the same situation-

-What?- I suspected, looking around me, seeing his black bright eyes watching me from across the large room, over a pile of law books, his head was rising cautiously.

-I can see you …- and I hung up.

Approaching to him I dedicate a sweet smile.

-Wasn't easier to text?- I said taking place next to him, seeing his books all around the table and his glasses shining over his nose bridge.

-You wouldn't have read the text in time-

-You don't know that-

-I know you enough-

-No you don't- I replied a little bit annoyed. Clearing my throat I continue - So… what's the plan?-

-I said I was going to treat you a meal, come on!-

We exit the library in a rush, my head spinning with the plans of the day, rearranging times and plans I had for the day, I don't care, I was taking this opportunity, this gold opportunity to finally know. I am certain that our rediscovered friendship was strong enough to handle a tough time as the interrogation I was planning on doing.

We head to his home, located near the university, in the past year he moved out the iconic building I associated with so good memories. He now live in a bigger apartment complex, the walls were not yellow and orange as they used to be in the old place, this were sober and discret, with blue and grey, some walls had tiles instead of paint and most of the furniture and decorative pieces were recoveries from the old house.

He guide me slowly around the place, talking about the stories in the place, how they moved out and the debates about colors and decorations.

We reach his room and the bunk bed keep my entire attention, It was a ghost from the past, haunting me, now in the day I decided to investigate all this complicated mess. Of course the room was completely different from the old one, it was a little bigger and in different order.

My artonishmet just last a few seconds since Sasuke keep going, returning then to the kitchen and pouring to glasses of juice.

The meal was simple, since sasuke only had rice and some vegetables in the fridge, cuz Itachi forgot to buy "stuff, but it was a nice time, the two of us, after all what happened, there. I realized this was the first time in years we were in a private place the two of us. All the other times we hang out we went to public places or stay with other people,but we were never this alone. But now, here we were, alone, in a room, free to speak of whatever we wanted.

-Sasuke… there is...something I need to ask you- he placed the last clean dish in the cabin and looked at me.

-I'm listening- he took a few steps, with a confused look, since I just cut our line of conversation so abruptly.

-I… don't understand… well I want to know Why you did y…-

-WAIT there is something I forgot to show you!-he interrupted me pulling me by the arm to his room.

Again I am faced with the bunk bed, that place, that ghost that only reminds me of how bad I need to take this out of my sistem. But he don't let me, he keeps talking about things I don't care to listen any more.

-Are you listening?- he said stopping his steps around the room, I see around me, I feel the soft bed under my hands, the comfy cushion holding my weight, the cold metal bars that escalate to the top, holding a bead I never get used to, because I never slept in there. It was always in Sasuke's bead. this comfy place i'm in right now, all because that day, those feelings.

-Naruto? hello?

-WHY?!- I almost screamed - Why did you kissed me? that day-

-What?- a mere whisper from Sasuke's lips

-I need to know Sasuke, What happened that day, what happened those times you kissed me and touched me? Why you did that?!-

-Why you want to know? it was a long time, forgotten already-

-Did you really forgot about that? about me? about our words?-

-What words? you never told me anything?!- his voice was desperate, my hands were clenching, and my eyes were menacing to let the tears roll down.- You… You never said NOTHING! And now, you demand answers!

-Don't you have them? It was because of you! I just… please- I am now pleading, pleading for an accurate answer that shows me the reasons behind the begining of this nightmare. This hurricane inside me, that I know very well is not Sasuke's fault, since I felt so much things for him even before he begun anything.

-Can't I keep it to myself?- he spoke. Defeated.

-Don't you miss it? us? like those times?- Now I am so close to his body I can hear his heart pumping furiously.

-I already told you that… but- he dont finish, I take his face between my hands and kiss him, slowly, waiting for a rejection that never came, but not an invitation either. His lips were faded in my mind, gone. I just had the memory of the scent of his skin and the softness. But in that eternal moment, when our lips are touching graciously, in a slow compass, rediscovering the curves of each other y feel his cold hands over my chest, pushing me softly.

-Don't you miss this?- I whisper so close to him that while I talk I can feel my lips caressing his skin.

* * *

 ** _Life is an unexpected journey...believe me._**

 ** _I appreciate any observations on the courrent situation :)_**


	6. Chapter 6: implosion

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters

Warnings: BOY X BOY sweet action.

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **Chapter 6: Implosion**

A feeling of comfort and yearing came through my body, I feel Sasuke's presence invading all my senses, my heart, beating incredibly slow against his hands, I am done, waiting for an answer I never had. I want to clear everything between us,

He closed his eyes, his lips still close to mine, I feel a sigh leaving his lips and the small shiver running across his body. The touch of his hands, still in my chest, slowly running up my body, reaching my neck and then my face. His thumbs running along my lips and my cheekbones.

Remembering every curve or my face and leaving the soft sensation of a loving caress along my face. His thumbs returning to my neck and slowly placing his hands in my shoulders. I don't know when I closed my eyes, but the feeling of his hands along my skin feels so good I can't do anything more than leave my conscious and just get lost in the feeling.

Sasuke breath carefully against my face, and then I can feel his forehead resting against my shoulder.

-Why are you doing this? Why did you came back?- he speak, so low I could almost lost the sound of his voice.

I let the moment sink. But his words are harsh to hear. It is not a yes or no, is an ambiguity I can not understand since the beginning I thought He was the one who had a very precise stand of all this. Why did I came back?, I never leave, did I? , Wasn't he the one who search for me? But I was the one who complied. And I am the one who is kissing him, after all this time, I am the one who is taking the lead, taking the feelings that are drowning me and just throwing them to his face. Maybe is not right, but in the end, the silence lead us to this moment, where our blocked emotions just hang there, static, unsaid.

-Sasuke…- I breath, maybe I hurt him, and that was the last thing I thought this crazy act would do to him. My original plan consisted on talking to him, getting to know what happened in the past and clearing all the tension that rest between us, forgive and heal, and then, search for the new feelings I have stuck in my chest. But no, I just take the fist stop and run to his arms, breaking into pieces in front of him and speaking my heart out.

-Is this what you are searching? - he said placing his lips in my neck, kissing softly while my breath stops, hissing with the contact, my hands unsure, holding his back. Is this why I searched Sasuke again? I know at my core, that this was a lie, but Sasuke's presence, and the memories he is forcing back to my body are to much to bare. I give up to his touch and tilt my head to expose my neck to his lips. My heart aching, confused about my internal war, but my body decided to search for the warm feeling of Sasuke's presence.

-I see... If this is what it is…- he speak again, his voice now a little forced and strained.

-I haven't said anything- I snap back, with a little more force than necessary, sensing something behind his words.

-Silence is a powerful answer... and the deadliest- he said, biting the skin of my neck, and sneaking his hands under my shirt, marking my back with his fingertips, and leaving a burning path across my lower back. His kisses running across my neck and jaw, searching my lips, taking my lower lip between his teeth and running his tongue across the abused lip. A moan escaping without permission from my throat, giving to Sasuke green light to continue his ministrations, but at the same time, arguing, in silence, without voice, how bad was this, this actions without explanation and filled with confusion and hurt.

I was crying, slowly, and in silence. My tears falling to my cheeks and wetting sasuke's because of the proximity. Or may be there are also Sasuke's tears, mixing between our faces, and finishing their race falling from our faces. I feel everything, Sasuke's lustful hands claiming my body and his delicious lips tasting my own. With his hands now taking the button of my jeans out of his place, his cold hands following his way to my boxers, and feeling my arousal, and the heat in my body. But as exquisite as his touch is, it is also a curse, a pain to see that just as me, his body wants me, but he is hurt. I take his wrists and move them delicately up, kissing the tears of his face.

-You see… there you are again, kissing me, with no explanation- I retorted, leaving Sasuke's heat, and pushing my weight to the wall, taking as much distance as possible inside the room.

His hands are shaking and he smile a little, more like a knowing smile, smiling to himself more that to me. with a sigh he place his fingers in the bridge of his nose , and then wipe the tears of his face, leaving his palm over his eyes, like trying to block the sight of reality.

-I just… I can say no to you. I tried, but I can't, The only time I did , you disappear- he avoided my eyes, and then continue, taking some steps in my direction and closing the distance I tried to maintain. I watch him, his skin flushed and his hair, black as night, disheveled. His lips, those pale rose lips, finding bits of air.

Slowly but steady he take the hem of his shirt with his fingers and pull up, exposing his bare torso to my eyes, white creamy skin illuminated by the last sun rays from the near window. I feel my body twitch in desire, running my eyes across his body

He continue talking, making the distance between us almost nonexistent - But you are here again… you reappeared in my life and now that I have you back, I am unable to say NO, once again…. If this is what you want then you can have it… even… even if this is the only thing you want from me.-

-What?...Why are you...?- I feel dizzy with Sasuke's body pressed to mine, trying to catch his words and the origin of this speech. - I don't want you like this, I mean, I DO want you, but I don't...-

\- I can't afford myself to lose you again- he finished stopping my thoughts with his body, His hands quickly taking down my denim and taking my erection out, rubbing it deliciously with his hand, making pressure to the head with his thumb and smearing the clear liquid dripping from the top. I moan, because there is no other sound I can do, there is no other sound my throat is able to create, even though Sasuke's words are finally clicking in my head, blending with the desire and the need I feel. I want to explain myself, that he is driving me crazy, that I love him, and that even though he hurt me, I can't be without him. But there is no pause in Sasuke's movements, with his free hand he reach for his own pants, releasing himself and rubbing his arousal with mine in a sweet friction that got me panting and moaning his name, because now that is all I have left.

His length is hard, impossibly hard, reddened and starting to leak, leaving a wet trail over my crotch. With my body pressed against the wall and Sasuke's I feel his breath in my neck, caressing my skin, there are no tears anymore, he is filled with lust. My hands roamed around his back, feeling the straining muscles moving, his shoulder blades visible because of his arms angle, holding my arousal, and his jeans so low I can almost caress the beginning of his ass, I want him, and I know he want me too.

But I don't want him to do this with a misconception. Because he is hurt, I can sense the tension between his moans. So I take his face with my hand placing my palm on his cheek looking straight to his eyes.

-Sasuke…- I moan, while his hands start to quicken the rhythm, It takes all my willpower to place a hand between our bodies stopping Sasuke's hand movements, so he can hear me, the truth I neglected so much time, and now was so necessary, so important that it can't rest unsaid.

-Sasuke…Sasuke, we are idiots. All this time, I have been thinking about you, it doesn't matter if I was hating you, or missing you, or now loving you. How could you think I search you just for a fuck, just for sex! are you serious?... It was a mistake, a misunderstanding to assume things between us. I came back because even though you hurt me, I can't be without you, without all we are- he close his eyes, and kiss my neck, savouring my words between his short breaths, I continue, before I lose concentration - ...and I want you back, so I don't want you to do this just because you are afraid of losing me, because I am already in your hands. You had had me since the first time, when we kissed in that roof…- I close my eyes, because Sasuke's grip in my dick tighten, returning the organ to his excited state, and making me lose my words.

-You are right- he panted- We are idiots, because I want you too, and… I can't believe I just let you go- he moaned, because now we are kissing hardly, desperately. Saying sorry without words and yet, understanding everything that is need to be said.

Sasuke's hands pull me, taking my back off the wall and pulling desperately my shirt off my body, exposing my chest to the warm air and to his hungry hands that run across my chest, abdomen and low back. I am unable to hold my moans when Sasuke's devious mouth caress my chest, with that tongue that trace a path across my slightly visible abs, and nip a little at my navel, feeling the hotness of my skin, desiring him. I see his eyes, never leaving his connection with my own, I can see relief in those black pools and hunger, excitement and amusement. Because I am almost sure Sasuke is not a professional in the art of pleasing another guy, nether am I, but we are lead by our own desire.

Slowly he take my erection with both hands, smearing my precum along his lips and trying little by little with his tongue the expanse of skin. He is kneeling on the floor and all I can do is watch between hard breathes and half lidded eyes, how his mouth envelopes my length and feel the hot warm tongue of this man, playing with me, giving me goosebumps and making me shiver every time he suck on me. He can feel how crazy I am, how much I miss him and how much I dessire his body too. Opening his eyes, he search my face, full of pleasure and lust, looking back at him and the spectacle he is putting up for me.

In the past, we used to give head to each other all the time, but this time is different, the sensation of having my feelings on the surface of my skin, and the savageness of Sasuke's movements, knowing that this, exactly this, is a hiden need we knew all this time we need each other, that our bodies were unaware of this yearning and when they came together was the perfect fit, the release of happiness and dessire, the mutual feeling of carnal need.

Approaching to my limit I caress Sasuke's forehead, babbling something close to the word "Stop!" and finding my orgasm just when Sasuke released my member. shooting my essence in his chest and chin. My eyes, tightly shut, my head facing the ceiling and my hands clenched around Sasuke's soft hair and the the doorknob, that was placed conveniently beside my body.

Sasuke is standing up, but I don't let him, I crumble before he could get to his feet and found the way to his lips, laying his body on the floor pressing him between my hot body and the cold floor.

I know he is almost at his limit, because his hips are moving erratically, searching for friction between our bodies. I please him, taking his member between one of my hands and starting a quick rithm that in no time got him finished, leaving a mess in my hand and both our bellies.

I rest my weight over his body, without crushing him, saving his body heat and quick breath, his unique aroma and the feel of his skin below my lips, giving him short pecks in the neck and below this ears.

-Itachi is coming in no time- he whisper, trying to return to a calm intake of air.

-Dam it…- I said, with very low energy.

-I'm sorry- his voice resonating in my ears and his hands hugging me tightly.

-Well he lives here… i can't blame him-

-Not because Itachi… I'm really sorry for … you know, leaving, making things confusing, I don't know, just forgive me-

-Sasuke… you don't have too-

-I feel like I have too, I don't know how did you live this past years but, if you had the same feelings I had, about me and about all the things we lived, then, i'm sure you suffered a lot. I lied to you, and I was so blinded and outraged that I never chased after you, and when I realize about that, it was late, because you had already changed your life and I felt like I didn't fit anymore-

Trying to regain our posture and sitting, I hugged Sasuke's body.

-You would always fit in my life Sasuke, no matter how much I change or you change- Sasuke was about to answer when the clicking noise of the front door resonated like an alarm. In a flash we were pulling our pants up and searching the shirts that were forgotten somewhere in the room.

-Sasuke?...- Itachi's voice came from the kitchen, approaching to the room we were. Without thinking in the mess of fluids we were, I had my clothes on in a dash, trying to force my reed cheeks to return to normal, because I knew what came now.

Sasuke open the door and reveal a suspicious Itachi, walking the rest of the hall, towards us.

-Naruto! - He almost screamed, flashing what in a way was a content smile, turning his eyes between his brothers face and mine, his eyes, settling in Sasuke and reprimanding him with the eyes.

-Brother, we were taking a nap, I invited Naruto home but, we were sleepy and just close our eyes for some time, is it that late?-He lied, checking my figure in the corner of his eye, thanking that the shirt I was wearing was black and the wetness and stains of our activities were not visible in the dim light.

-YES! Sasuke, is very late!, we have to get going- His eyes fixed on Sasuke and then on me- I'm sorry Naruto, I am being rude, it has been so much time, i'm very happy to see you around again, you have to forgive us, but we need to go, we have some things to do- he excused himself and turn around, smirking.

Sasuke closed his eyes breathing, and smiling to me. It was around some minutes I was walking outside Sasuke's home, Itachi has a Taxi waiting outside the apartment complex so our time is counting.

-I will see you soon right?- I told him, adjusting my hoodie over my head, looking him directly in the eye.

-Of course… We are going out the city for some days, but… i'll call you as soon as I can. Promise- he said, closing the distance between us, kissing me softly, caressing my neck and jaw with his cold hands. In a rushed movement he was inside the Taxi, closing the door and looking me from across the window, smiling. Itachi was behind him, smirking with a pleased look in his eyes.

The taxi was gone, losing himself in the traffic of the city and I return home.

For the next few days I didn't knew nothing about him, his phone was off and his classmates told me he ask for permission to leave a few days.

The next week I had to wait a few hours at the cafeteria, the class I was attending was canceled and now I had two freehours with nothing to do, I had been reading Anna Karenina lately and reading at the cafeteria didn't seem as a bad idea. When my coffee was over I leave my book for a moment in the table to take the trash to the trash bins, that were conveniently a few tables from mine, when I returned to see what happened with the love affair that the protagonist was dealing with I found a note tucked below a new coffee mug, filled with the blackish hot beverage.

" _I regret it took so long to tell you this, I love the way you look with those dorky reading glasses, your way of talking about the world and the way your eyes seem to brighten when you look at me, i'm sorry it took me so long to see it, take this coffee as a new start, and I hope you still want to share it with me…"_

It was a ripped paper, unsigned, but I knew well that calligraphy. Hysterical I search the cafeteria with my dorky reading glasses still in my nose bridge, and saw that black hair and beautiful white skin two tables across mine. Sasuke smiled, as he used to smile to me when we were on that roof, so many years ago, walking towards me with a coffee in his hand. I smiled too, because I knew that now… after all this time.

He was back.

 **END**

 **/**

 _ **IMPORTANT TO READ**_

 ** _I know there are so many things that does not have an explanation like Sasuke's reasons to leave or some other decisions that the characters took, but since this is my side of the story I don't have the answers to that, and I intend not to write the Sasuke's side because I wanted you to feel as lost as I was, may be some day I'll be brave enough to ask for answers to my Sasuke._**

 **Almost every scenario of this story is based on a real life experience I lived, they were harsh and beautiful memories, there are very few things I changed for the sake of doing this story a little more fluid and understandable. Also for the characters I used could fit to the reality of the events.**

 **Writing this story helped me to let go many things I resented and some others that I were apprehensive about. During this process this story became Sasuke's and Naruto's story and leave my property and because of that, I was thoughtful about writing the end as is it now in my life, or give them a final written for them, since this is now their story, I want them to be theirs at least in this world of words.**

 **So just for you to know, the ending of this story is the only part that is not based on a real experience. Nevertheless, if there is someone enough curious to know the real ending, I will consider to write it in a near future, as an alternate ending, leave a comment if you are part of this curious people and to let me know what did you thought of my life story.**

I wait for all of you in my next works. I hope you liked my story and I would love to know your opinions of it, good or bad.

'Till next time.

 _UrbanLC_


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